why personal development can get toxic

Because no one talks about this.

No one talks about how hard personal development and self-improvement can be. Especially if you are a perfectionist, a high achiever, or both.

We are aware that we need to strive to get better every day. That’s what personal development and self-improvement is all about right? It’s all about getting better every day.

We’ve heard of the 1% better concept and how we need to work on ourselves every single day. We know that there are things that we need to work. There is a high chance that we are aware of what we need to do.

However, this is where it gets toxic

It gets toxic when we feel like we are doing the work, but it’s constantly not enough.

Like no matter what we do, no matter what we work on, whether it is a 1% better thing or not, there is always going to be something new.

We are always going to find some sort of flaw or setback.

I feel like what I struggle with the most is accepting who I am and then being kind to myself and loving myself despite the things I need to work on.

But it is such a struggle, I’m not going to lie!

Don’t get be wrong – I LOVE personal development, I love self-improvement. I LOVE discovering new things about myself, new habits, new routines, and ways that I can make my life better.

But still, sometimes I feel like I’m never doing enough, despite all the books I read, podcasts I listen to, and other content I consume.

Content plays a big factor

Speaking of content, the content that we can consume can contribute to this feeling as well.

When you’re consuming content, you learn of new things that you should work on, and it’s this never-ending cycle.

That’s why, the thing to work on the most for all of us in this together is showing ourselves more love AND being kind to ourselves every single day.

We need to love and show more kindness to the version you are now- the one that haven’t worked on the things they need to work on and hasn’t yet discovered the “new thing” they need to do to get better.

The real reason perfectionists and high achievers are like this

Personally for me, I feel like the reason why perfectionists and high achievers feel like this constantly is because we have the mindset of giving your all.

For example, when you’re at school, as a high achiever, you know you’ve got give your all. By giving your all, you get some sort of result from it (e.g. good grades).

In the context of personal development and self-improvement, when you are giving your all, most times the things you get in return is…. more things you need to work on with yourself.

In reality, the “result” is actually invisible. The things we don’t see in the moment is the little progress that we are making.

And I feel like that’s the thing we need to look at more and see more of. Truthfully, the progress is invisible, especially when you’re only trying new habits and implementing new tips for one to two days, even a week or a month.

When you’re a high achiever or a perfectionist, you expect a lot of things to come back to you.

But at the end of the day, we just need to know that while we need to acknowledge that there are always going to be new things to work on, but not be mean to ourselves in the process. The version we are now deserves that same kindness and love, just as every other “new” or “revised” version of us.

P.S this is different to my usual blog posts because they are brief & not really “tips”. I wanted to try something different for this blog post :))

Here are some closely similar blog posts to read:

• Times when you shouldn’t feel bad about your life – for the girls
• 200th Blog Post: Letter to the Girl Behind the Blog
• 24 Lessons I Learned at 24

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