Good News for Introverts

Yeah, this post is actually for both the introverts AND the extroverts… (and oh, the ambiverts as well – I may forget you all a few times)

Yes I know that the title make the post seem like it is directed at introverts, but when you read down, you’ll find that whether you’re an introvert OR an extrovert (or an ambivert) – it doesn’t really matter at the end of the day.

Being Introverted Was Never a Weakness After All

I’d be the first to admit that I had put myself down because I couldn’t really be as interactive in group conversations like the extroverted ones.

Truthfully, in real life, in social events or gatherings, I’m usually the one that is awkwardly observing and listening to the conversations, and the thought of saying one thing to get into the group conversation makes me feel a bit embarrassed.

I just smile and I hope for the best.

There was this idea that had been conveyed in my mind that the more outgoing and more social people are the ones who are more naturally equipped to make connections.

But once lockdown happened because of COVID-19, that’s where I learned that it’s not entirely accurate and not even necessarily true.

I ended up embracing my introverted nature more than ever and realised that being introverted was never a weakness after all.

I learned about this perspective that made perfectly sense but let me break it down.

The Life of an Introvert

Have you ever heard of how iPhones, when they’re not the latest version anymore, the phone battery charges really fast but once you take it out of the charger, the battery dies just as fast? – That is the same for introverts.

Applying that analogy, for us introverts, our batteries recharge fast when we have our alone/me time but the moment we get around people, the battery goes down just as fast.

I am going to be perfectly honest here – I prefer to be alone sometimes not because I want to be anti-social or that I don’t like people or anything, but because it’s just refreshing and recharging for me.

Like sometimes I wish that my social battery could be like my iPad – recharge it all night and the battery lasts the whole day, maybe even more than that!

But don’t get me wrong – I love hanging out and catching up with my friends on a regular basis. For most of us, we are no different to extroverts when it comes to that.

Authenticity is What Is More Important

One great book that cleared this up for me was The 11 Laws of Likability. The first chapter was my favourite chapter. What really clicked to me was how important it is to be our authentic selves.

It defined perfectly that our authentic self is who we are when we have no fear or judgement for what other people think of us.

What feels right for one person may be wrong for another.

What matters most is what feels right for you.

For example, take two people – one with a broken leg and one without. The one without the broken leg feels right to run a marathon, and obviously that activity wouldn’t feel right for the one with the broken leg.

And that also applies to introverts and extroverts –

When you put it that way, an extrovert may feel their most authentic self when they are outgoing in the conversation BUT for an introvert, they feel more authentic when they are simply just listening into the conversation.

I really clicked with the story mentioned, where a mid-level manager at a prestigious New York City museum was very overwhelmed with his job, and was clearly frustrated and unhappy with it

The reason why was because whenever there was a large social event, he always felt the need to “work the crowd”, making tons of people laugh and talking to large groups of people. In truth, he’d rather be more laid back in conversations and interact with only few people at a time.

This was because he believed that engaging with the crowd that particular way was how a successful person in his position would – as it turns out, that was the problem.

I was guilty of this same belief as well – that in order for people to “like me”, I need to have an outgoing personality when I know deep down that it was not my authentic self to do that, and that is completely okay!

As it turns out, I can be completely at ease in social situations too – and just being a listener in conversations can actually be a strength.

When you think about it, an extrovert’s strength may be an introvert’s weakness, but an introvert’s strength may be an extrovert’s weakness… (sorry I’ve got nothing for you ambiverts!)

And that doesn’t even matter either, because we are all capable of getting out of our comfort zones to eventually make our weaknesses our strengths.

Find Your Comfort Zone (then slowly make your way out of it)

Of course, in order to go beyond our comfort zone, we need to first know where our comfort zone is.

And the first step in doing that is figuring out what we feel comfortable with – what makes us our most authentic self.

Observe how you are around people and your interactions with them, and ask yourself whether you felt the need to act that certain way or you are indeed just simply being you.

I’ve learnt to pay attention to what makes me comfortable.

For me, I learned that:

• I get tired after any long period of time talking.
• I like to leave early in events because my social battery dies right away.
• In group conversations, I prefer to just listen to others and speak up when I feel comfortable to do so (or when someone forces me to)

For somebody else, they may feel more comfortable doing the opposite of what I just mentioned above- and like what I said, it’s completely okay. What’s important in this observation is that we are aware on how we feel with every interaction we make.

Then once we have a greater idea on what interactions makes us the most comfortable and authentic, we can now find ways to get out of our comfort zones.

If we want to make our weaknesses our strengths, getting out of our comfort zones from time to time is the way to go – it’s how we grow ourselves! – but how we can do this is a post for another day 🙂

So that’s great news for introverts – not only does it not matter whether someone is introverted or extroverted, we are also all capable of making connections and going beyond our comfort zones to make our weaknesses our strengths.

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