Is self-care ACTUALLY selfish?

I used to feel so guilty for resting.

Guilty for saying no, because after all, people can be very judgmental.

Even if I said no, it was because I was prioritizing myself. But apparently, that was being “selfish”.

It seemed that putting myself first meant I wasn’t doing enough for anyone else. That’s why self-care has to feel like a reward and luxury, instead of a non-negotiable.

Let’s break this down into stages.

Stage 1 – Get Over The Guilt Trap

As a lawyer who runs a blog and balances numerous other commitments in my life, I often felt like I needed to deserve rest.

For example, there would be times where I wouldn’t eat dinner, unless I had finished posting or creating all my content for the day. My stomach could be rumbling, but I wouldn’t eat because I had habits to stick to.

But here’s what that constant cycle did to me:

I would burn out

I would compare myself to others constantly

I would ignore the signs my body would give me

I attached my worth to my productivity.

But is this how I really wanted to live my life?

This is more of a mindset shift than a tangible step, and that’s what makes it simple.

So, let go of the guilt each time you say no and prioritize yourself. It can feel hard each time you do it, but the more you do it, the more you get used to it.

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RELATED: How to Have a Productivity Glow Up

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Stage 2 – Redefine What Self-Care Actually Looks Like To You

As much as I love face masks, bubble baths, and spa days, that’s not what self-care is all about.

Sometimes it’s:

• Turning your phone off after work and being present in whatever activity I have planned.
• Saying no to plans I don’t want to go to.
• Going for a walk even when it feels easier to scroll.
• Let myself cry without feeling guilty about it.

Or sometimes, it’s being spontaneous or picking from my self-care list and doing something besides feeling guilty for resting or going on my phone.

It sounds cliche, but you can’t pour from an empty cup. And the way to fill that cup is to take care of yourself first.

And here’s the important part: taking care of yourself first guilt-free

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RELATED: How to Use Self-Care to Bounce Back from a Bad Day

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It’s important to avoid the mistakes of self-care. These mistakes include thinking it has to be a reward or luxury, instead of something non-negotiable.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with chasing big dreams, aiming for great productivity, and making sure you make the most out of your time. However, you need to make sure that you prioritize yourself just as much as you would prioritize anything else.

After all, you can’t show up as your best productive self if you burn out.

And if you aren’t showing up as your best productive self, it’ll be harder to get things done.

And when you don’t get things done, you feel more guilty about it.

That’s why, have a think: what does self-care look like to you? What do you need to do to feel refreshed and recharged? What do you need to do to feel like your best productive self?

This is all up to you because everyone is different.

Stage 3 – Set Boundaries

You know that thing where you say no more often because you’re putting yourself first? That is called a boundary.

You see, boundaries aren’t just the major things you tolerate, they also relates to self-care.

The reality is that there will be people who will call you selfish for choosing yourself instead of doing the things they want you to do.

However, here’s the important part: you, putting yourself and your needs first, is called setting a boundary.

And people who don’t respect other people’s boundaries say a lot about them than it does about you.

You can have your list of boundaries if you need to. But in terms of self-care, start saying no without the guilt, and make sure that you prioritize time with yourself.

Take a SMALL STEP

Here are some small steps to get through the stages:

1. Release yourself from the guilt trap of putting yourself first.
2. Redefine what self-care looks like for you.
3. Practice your self-care boundary.

To Wrap Up

Ultimately, self-care is not selfish. Self-care involves setting a boundary and doing the things you need to do so you can show up as your best self. Sometimes, you need to let go of the guilt and remember that you can’t show up for others (or even yourself) if you are burnt out or overwhelmed.

So, give yourself permission to prioritize self-care. Rest when you need to. Show yourself compassion if there are others that will criticize you for being “selfish”.

It’s all about taking one small step at a time. If you need to read a book on it (as part of your self-care 😉, you can check out my book on Small Steps available on Amazon (for only $11.99AUD if you purchase as a Kindle!)

In the meantime, don’t forget to make time for yourself.

Your future self will thank you for that.

-Lauren 🙂

P.S I suggest reading these blog posts next:

• Beginner Guide to Self-Care
• How to Practice Self-Care Throughout the Day
• The Biggest Misconceptions of Self-Care

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