Maybe not that deep lol.
It’s pretty cool when I get DM’s from other girls sharing their solo dates. It’s heartwarming when I also receive a couple of messages from girls who say that they started doing solo dates because they were inspired by mine.
Let me just say I really feel like I’ve nailed the solo date game. I have a go-to list of 100+ solo dates whether they’re planned in advance or I do them spontaneously. I definitely thrive off them. I have gotten more and more comfortable with doing things by myself. I learned to admire myself for this instead of feeling embarrassed.
But I never really thought about how & why I started going on solo dates.
Thinking deeper, I was actually 19 when I went on my first solo date. And oh boy, was she going through a lot then. It was also in 2020 when it was the COVID time, which was also pretty crazy to think about.
19 y/o – my first solo date
I am a lover girl at heart.
But I spent so much of my energy chasing it. I chased connections that weren’t being reciprocated. I forced things to work even though they clearly weren’t. I gave the benefit of the doubt to people way more than I should. And this was all before I turned 20.
Okay, I’m not going to go deeper into all my experiences, but to sum up, before I turned 20, I didn’t want to try things for the first time because I was saving it for when I meet my person (e.g. travelling to new places, visiting new restaurants). I was scared to even sit by myself at a restaurant because I feared someone judging me for sitting alone.
But one day, at 19, I decided to go on a solo adventure which actually turned out to be my first solo date.
I took the ferry into the city and went to the Lindt cafe. I sat by myself after I ordered my sweet treat. Then, some high schoolers (they were in school uniform), asked me if I was being stood up. Keep in mind, they didn’t say this in a concerning or curious way, they said this in a way that they were clearly making fun of me.
And just like that, this little solo date was ruined. I ate my sweet treat, took the ferry home, and cried once I got into my room because of how embarrassed I felt. After that, I didn’t do any sort of solo date until more than 6 months later.
RELATED: 20 Ways to Date Yourself & Have a Better Relationship with You
6 months later…
6 months later, I had turned 20 since then. I finished my semester of college, I had a break from work, and I had a lot of free time during a particular week. One thing I’ve always wanted to do more of was go to the beach.
So on Monday, I went to the beach.
On Tuesday, I didn’t go to the beach, but I explored a place with a pretty water view.
Wednesday, I went to the beach again, where I got to do a mini hike and had a little treat. I sat by the beach, read my book, and just chilled.
I started to feel so comfortable with doing these little solo adventures and knew I had to make them a regular thing.
Then, lockdown happened and I didn’t get to do a solo date for 4 months.
Becoming a weekly routine
Once lockdown was done, and I was getting back into routines again, weekly solo dates became my thing. I started trying out new activities such as going to the movies, nature walks, hikes, and going to restaurants.
Now a few years later, I have gone on many solo date activities. While there were some that I didn’t vibe with and I never did them again, there were some that became regular activities.
Don’t get me wrong. Up until now, I doubt myself sometimes when it comes to love. I get scared of opening up and being vulnerable. I feel tempted to walk away prematurely the moment I feel a slight change in energy. Sometimes my anxiety amplifies situations into things that are not even true.
But you know what helped? Solo dates.
Solo dates help me be more and more comfortable in my own company, so I don’t find myself forcing situations because I’m afraid to be alone. They also help me have things to look forward to, even when there are challenging times in my life. They’re therapeutic.
Because I hated the feeling of forcing something to work because I didn’t like the idea of being alone. I also hated the feeling of having nothing to do when I no longer had my routine of going out or talking with someone.
So, despite the walls I can still put up, I have myself to fall back on. Even if things hurt at first, I still have my own company to enjoy. It just took me a long time to get there. Regardless of my relationship status, my weekly solo dates are a non-negotiable. I even had solo traveled as well which is something I never would’ve imagined myself doing when I was 19.
RELATED: How to Make Self-Love a Part of Your Life
How do you get more comfortable with solo dates?
The best way to get more comfortable with solo dates is to go on them.
I acknowledge that it may not be the answer you’re looking for. The truth is, the more solo dates you go on, the more comfortable you get with them. The first few can be tricky if you’re new at it, but it does get easier. It also helps if you’re doing activities that you love doing.
Then, when you get used to it, you can start trying out new activities and be more spontaneous.
Why I love solo dates
If I haven’t convinced you enough yet, here’s how solo dates were lifechanging and why I love them:
- I get to be in my OWN company – You can’t get used to your own company when you’re surrounded by other people for sure. While you can enjoy your own company while at home, taking yourself out on solo dates is a good way to get yourself out of your comfort zone. It’s easy to enjoy your own company when you’re at home, and you have your space. However, going out for a solo date helps you deal with those moments of feeling judged (tbh this doesn’t happen much). It’s one of those, “if you can do this, you can do anything” sort of thing.
- Whatever I want – You do whatever you want to do without another person giving input. :))
- I prove to myself that I can do anything – Just like what I mentioned earlier, going on solo dates is one of those “if I can do this, I can do anything” sort of thing.
To Wrap Up
Hopefully, you got a little something out of my journey with solo dates. I have also created a solo date workbook which you can find in the Free Resources Library to help you out!
-Lauren 🙂
P.S I suggest you read these blog posts next:
Share This Blog Post Here:
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hi, this is Lauren! I’m a law grad from Melbourne, Australia. On laurenbarri.com, I create content on all things personal development, productivity, self-care, and habits! I am super passionate about these topics because of how they helped me in all areas of my life, and I want to share it with others!
CONNECT with ME!! 🗯
Instagram:
@laurenlbarri (blog Instagram)
If you got value from this blog in any way, it would mean the world if you could show your support on my Buy Me a Coffee platform! (otherwise I am just really happy that you’re here 😊)