I have officially reached the age of 23!
I am a bit excited for this next year ahead. I am so close to finishing my law degree. One step closer to becoming a lawyer. I have made progress in all my goals. And most importantly, I haven’t given up along the way.
This is officially the fourth birthday blog post for this blog. I have done birthday blog posts for my 20th, 21st, and 22nd birthday.
Usually every year I try to have a different theme for the birthday post. This year, I’m going to keep it simple and share with you the lessons I have learned… because I have learned a lot of lessons (and tangible tips that made life so much easier too!)
Let’s get into this.
Lessons
I’ll start off first with the lessons including when in my life when I learned it:
1 – You cannot mess up what’s meant for you
When did I learn this? I learned this during the job interview for a paralegal role (which I ended up getting!). I was overthinking how I went in the interview. After the interview, I started overthinking my answers, including things I wished I said and what I wish I said differently.
But amid that overthinking, I had to remind myself that even if I “mess up”, if it’s meant to be, it doesn’t matter.
Long story short, I ended up getting the paralegal role, and it reaffirmed this lesson. If something is meant for you, you cannot mess it up. This goes for lots of areas of life including love and career.
2 – No matter how you react to something you can’t control, the outcome will always remain the same
When did I learn this? There have been multiple times this year (like everyone else) where I have gotten stuck in traffic. There was one time I was late to facilitating a workshop because a car accident caused major traffic on the freeway. I was stuck on the road for over 30 minutes and it took me an hour (when it usually takes me 20 minutes) to get to the workshop.
Because I didn’t want to show up to the workshop stressed and with draining energy, I refrained from complaining about the traffic. This is when I learned the lesson – whether I complained or stayed calm, the outcome is always going to remain the same. Whether I complained or stayed calm, there is still traffic.
And this goes for all the things in your life that you cannot control. For example, you can’t control poor reception or internet connection. You cannot control how people act towards you. But whether you choose to complain or just stay chill, it’s still going to remain the same.
3 – As long as you always put in your 100%, you can be satisfied with the outcome
When did I learn this? Firstly I learned this on multiple occasions whenever I submitted an assessment for university.
I particularly learned this recently when I got laid off from my paralegal job due to budget cuts (yes, that same paralegal role I mentioned earlier). I made sure that I put my 100% in that role. I was told I had a great work performance, and that my getting let go had nothing to do with my performance, but rather the current status of the company.
After some disappointment, I began to remember that I am satisfied with this outcome nonetheless because I know that I put in my 100%. This goes for other parts of my life as well, as long as I know I put my 100% in my assignments, studying for exams, and even the content I create, I am satisfied with the outcome (e.g. grades, statistics, etc).
4 – When a door closes, it means there’s a new one to be opened
When did I learn this? Recently when I got laid off from my paralegal job.
I’m not going to lie, there was so much disappointment in the beginning, especially since it had nothing to do with my work performance. However, a few days later, I began to see this “closed door” as a possibility for a new one to be opened.
Because even literally, when a door closes, it means that there is another one to be opened. That in itself felt exciting because there were multiple possibilities on what could occur next. With this particular event, I’m excited about the next possible journey I’ll be going on.
RELATED: 8 Personal Development Goals to Set
5 – Embrace uncertainty like a movie/TV plot
When did I learn this? For most of my life, I have feared the uncertainty. I grew up moving around a lot and not knowing when will be the next time I will move. I have faced uncertainty for the last two years living by myself because I questioned my whether I’ll make ends meet, my career path, and multiple other decisions.
Again, getting laid off from a role that I was content with brought in more uncertainty. Even as I’m writing this, there is still a bit of fear of what’s going to happen including how I will manage to make ends meet, and how I will get my career together.
After speaking to a trusted friend, they gave me the idea of embracing uncertainty like a movie or TV show. This was a great idea considering that I love the mystery of not knowing what will happen next in the plot. So, why not give this same approach to my life? It’s a great way to not fear the uncertainty but embrace it instead.
6 – Embrace every experience/season like it’s the last time you’ll ever experience it
When did I learn this? This is my final semester of law school and every time I’m in class or I find myself wanting to complain about it, I quickly remind myself that it’ll be the last time I’ll ever experience it.
But this also goes for aspects of my life where I will not know if I’m experiencing it for the last time. For example, my last day of work, I had no clue that it was going to be the last day.
I’m using this approach for other seasons and experiences in my life because I never know when will be the last time I will experience it. In particular, I’m embracing my single season, because I never know when will be the last time I’ll experience it. I’m embracing living alone because I know there will be a time when I won’t be living alone anymore.
7 – Who cares what other people think of you
When did I learn this? This has been a lifelong lesson for me and will be something I’m always a work in progress on.
However, there has been something that I realized lately, and it’s been helping me not care so much about what other people think of me.
If people think I’m ugly, it’s not going to make them any prettier and that’s sad for them. If people think I’m cringe, it’s not going to make them more successful, and I’m sad for them. Truthfully, whatever they think about you, it’s a reflection on them 100% of the time.
8 – If people talk bad about you, just take it as a compliment
When did I learn this? Continuing from the last lesson, if the things people think about you are negative, just take it as a compliment.
A trusted friend gave me this perspective – when someone talks bad about you, it means that they feel so bad about themselves, that talking negatively about you makes them feel better.
Like what I said earlier, if someone says that you’re ugly, it means they feel so bad about themselves, that they need to pick on your appearance to feel better. And if I’m being honest, I cannot think of a confident person who feels the need to talk negatively about other people.
RELATED: 15 Unique Lessons of Growth
9 – Other people’s moods/actions have nothing to do with you
When did I learn this? I have learned this on multiple occasions throughout the year. Whenever a friend seems off or isn’t in a good mood, I’ve been guilty of thinking that it’s because they are upset or annoyed at me.
I am also guilty of thinking that they are upset/annoyed because of me. To be honest, I feel kind of ridiculous for typing that out.
Then, I think about myself. I think about the times when I was going through things in my life, and it did affect my mood and other people noticed. Was I moody/upset/annoyed at them or my life? Of course, I was just in my head about the things going on in my life, and it had nothing to do with other people. It was time that I remembered that when it was the other way around.
10 – Stop taking things so personally
When did I learn this? This is similar to the previous lesson, other people’s actions and moods have nothing to do with me.
Other times, it’s not even other people’s moods or actions. There are times when I get upset at particular outcomes that have nothing to do with me. For example, when I got laid off due to budget cuts, I took it so personally at first. I kept thinking that it was because they just particularly picked me out of all the other people. I had to remember that at the end of the day, it was more of a company decision, rather than something directed at me.
I also learned this during times when I had customers or clients complain to me (during all the roles I had this year). Even though the complaint had nothing to do with me, I took it personally anyway. For example, when a client complained that we were fully booked, I took it personally because I felt guilty for not being able to fit them in.
11 – How people react to you is not your problem
When did I learn this? Similar to the other two lessons when it comes to not caring about what other people think of you and their actions, I learned this during occasions where I interacted with people.
There was an instance where I was simply explaining myself, and the other person took that as me talking back at them and “giving attitude”. Additionally, there have been times when I would take inquiries on the phone, and would inform someone that we were fully booked, and they would go off at me as a result.
I’ll admit that those instances were frustrating, and I find myself wishing that the other person could just understand and not react that way. However, there will be times when people will react the way they do, and it’s not something we should take personally.
12 – Be happy with yourself that you never settle for anything else
When did I learn this? All year 😂When you think of a statement like this, you think about relationships. This goes beyond relationships, this also includes your career, friendships, and other important areas of your life.
I went on quite a self-discovery journey this year and the promise I kept to myself is to not settle. Not settle for a job. Settle for a relationship. Settle for friendships that weren’t serving me.
It is hard at first don’t get me wrong! And personally, this was only hard when I didn’t really know myself as well. But the more you know yourself, the more happy you are with yourself. The more happy you are with yourself, the less likely you will settle.
RELATED: How to Be Your Own Best Friend #SelfLove
13 – Don’t feel guilty for the bad days
When did I learn this? Also, all year.
I don’t count the number of bad days but there were many times where I just called defeat. Whenever I had a bad day, I felt guilty about it.
I’m a kind of person that strives for good days. But when I have bad days, I feel bad about myself.
That’s why, this year I learned to not feel bad about myself whenever I have a bad day. Additionally, I also started seeing my “bad days” as a movie. We know that movies and tv shows have their characters have bad days (otherwise, there’s no plot, right?). Let me just say that romanticizing my bad days make me feel less guilty for it.
Give it a try :))
14 – Admit your mistakes, immediately.
When did I learn this? I learned this first on one occasion and then followed suit after that.
The first occasion was when I had my paralegal job. I knew I wasn’t going to be perfect within the first few weeks of the role. So, when I made a little error/mistake, I immediately told someone. I do think about what could’ve happened if I tried to hide the mistake (and I wasn’t willing to find that out).
After that, there has been times when I have said/acted out of emotion, and did immediately regret it. I admit that it’s hard to admit it out loud that you’ve done something wrong. However, the conscience does feel good once it does happen.
Random Tangible Tips
And to complete the rest of the 23 things, here are some random tangible tips:
15 – Things to do for dead time
If you don’t know what dead time is, it’s where you find yourself with random small blocks of free time. For example, you’re in the waiting room of the doctor’s office, waiting in line, or you’re waiting for someone in the car.
Whenever we find ourselves with those random free blocks of time, it’s almost immediately that we go on our phones and check social media or messages. However, this can also be used to our advantage to be more productive.
Having things to do for a dead time had worked wonders for me. It saved me time later on in the day, and I also felt so much better & productive doing those things, as opposed to checking social media (which was typically my immediate habit).
16 – Have a list of boosters & drainers
This is where you have a list of tasks that boost your mood, and tasks that drain your mood. So, when you are in a low mood or having a bad day, you can immediately refer to your lists of boosters and drainers.
You can choose an activity from your boosters list to boost your mood and stay away from the ones that drain your mood. For example, one of the things that boost my mood is getting a snack and walking outside. On the other hand, one of my mood drainers is social media.
So, when I’m in a low mood or having a bad day, I go for a walk, have a snack (booster), and stay away from social media (drainer). Having this go-to list has been extremely helpful for me during those bad days.
RELATED: Self-Care Tips for More Self-Love
17 – Have a rest & recharge plan
A rest & recharge plan is for those times you become low in energy and motivation. For me, this mainly occurs after lunch time when I feel the afternoon slump.
What has been extremely helpful is having a plan ahead of time of what I’ll do to boost my energy and motivation again. My rest & recharge plan is three simple steps – walk, have a snack, drink (as much as possible water, but if needed, I’ll have a coffee instead).
Whenever I worked from home or in the office, whenever I felt that afternoon slump, I would eat a snack, go for a walk, and finish up with a drink. That almost always boosts my energy and mood.
18 – Habit Loop
The habit loop is this:
CUE ➡️HABIT ➡️ REWARD
An example of this is:
When I look in the mirror (CUE) ➡️ Compliment myself (HABIT) ➡️Feel good about myself (REWARD)
This habit loop has been my lifeline this past year. I have built so many new habits (and broke a couple of bad ones) utilizing the habit loop. It’s such a simple but effective formula when it comes to habit-building.
19 – Habit Pairings
I’ve always been obsessed with habits. When I learned about the concept of habit pairing/stacking, it was a game-changer.
For example, when I have breakfast, that’s when I go on my sign language app and do my sign language learning. Another example is when I go on a walk, that’s when I listen to a podcast.
Habit pairings/stackings are just like “killing two birds with one stone”. It allows you to save time later on and it also helps you feel good about yourself too. That’s why I have been obsessed with habit pairings lately.
20 – Create a if_____ then I wil_____ plans
Here are some examples:
IF I feel tired, then I will have a coffee.
If I feel discouraged about my progress with my goals, then I will create a list of my accomplishments.
If I am stuck in a rut, then I will watch a funny TV show.
I have created multiple of these “If___, then I will___” plans, and they have been so helpful. It’s practical to know ahead of time what you can do to feel better/do better whenever you find yourself in various situations.
In the past, whenever I felt low, upset, or low in energy, one of my immediate habits is to go on social media. It’s common knowledge that it’s an unhealthy habit. That’s why, creating a plan ahead of time of alternative activities instead prevents me from scrolling social media, and feel worse about myself.
RELATED: Ways to Have a Better & Healthy Relationship with Social Media
21 – Understand your cycle and the phases of it
Understanding my cycle has done wonders for me. For the past 10 years of having a period, I never properly knew about the phases of a cycle.
I won’t go into too much detail on it, but let me just say that understanding my cycle has helped me become more compassionate towards myself.
For example, in your luteal phase (the week before your period), that’s when you tend to have a lower mood and lower energy. I used to beat myself up for not having enough energy to go to a kickboxing class, and for being in a low mood. However, now that I am aware daily of what phase of my cycle I’m in, I understand why I feel certain ways.
I’ve heard from other content creators and other experts on this topic who discuss how to plan around your cycle. For me, I mainly took the time to understand my cycle better so I could understand myself better (and stop being mean to myself for no reason).
22 – Turn what you read/listen/watch into something tangible
I have always known how important it is to apply what you learn, otherwise what is the point?
However, in the past year, I have learned how to do this more intentionally, and even use ChatGPT to help turn my learning points into practical habits.
When I read a book, listen to a podcast, or watch an educational YouTube video (on personal growth), I take notes. Once I finish taking those notes, if I am stuck, I will utilize ChatGPT to turn those takeaways into practical habits.
23 – One day at a time
I’ll admit that I can find myself too stressed and worried about the future and beat myself up on the past.
I’ve heard multiple times about the importance of living in the moment and enjoying the present. These are reminders that I constantly tell myself whenever I feel myself drifting.
So, I made it a continuous effort each day to simply just focus on one day at a time. While I still last from my past, and make plans for my future, my main focus is going towards the day I have at hand.
To Wrap Up
And those are the 23 things that I have learned and discovered before my 23rd birthday!
I cannot wait to see what this year has in store, I am so excited!
As always, thank you for supporting me in this blog and being on this journey.
-Lauren 🙂
P.S Here are my other birthday blog posts:
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hi, this is Lauren! I’m a law grad from Melbourne, Australia. On laurenbarri.com, I create content on all things personal development, productivity, self-care, and habits! I am super passionate about these topics because of how they helped me in all areas of my life, and I want to share it with others!
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