How to Know When to Say No

Because we’ve all been there have we?

I remember a time in my life in 2020 when I said yes too many times. I said yes to too many requests, and took on too many projects, and not only did I burnout, but my college work and mental health took a hit. I was trapped in a cycle of saying yes without truly understanding what I was committing to, and I felt overwhelmed.

If you relate to this, this blog post is for you! This blog post is about knowing when to say no, a skill that can help you live your life aligned with what matters most to you. You will learn a simple four-step process that will help you make informed decisions on where to invest your time and energy.

Saying no is something that I’ve had to work on for the longest time, and it’s still a work in progress for me. However, this basic framework that I use helps me say no a lot more and makes it easier on myself.

Let’s get into this.

Step 1 – List your priorities

The first step to knowing when to say no is to know and list your priorities.

Everyone has their current priorities in their life. It may be work, family, study, school, and personal goals. Whatever your priorities are, list them down, so that you are aware of them.

By doing this little exercise, you create a visual representation of what matters most to you, providing clarity in the decision-making process.

Example: Say you’re a working parent who values family time. Your list of priorities may include:

• Family
• Career
• Health
• Personal Development

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Step 2 – List your Goals

These include the goals you are currently working on, personal life, professional life, financial life, etc. In this step, also take the time to list down your goals, both short-term and long-term. These can range from achieving career milestones, to being healthier, or securing your financial future. Think about where you want to be in various aspects of your life, whether it’s your career, relationships, health, or personal growth.

If you need some guidance when some goals, you can check out a past blog post on this, Goal Setting Routine.

Step 3 – List your values

Your values are what define who you are and what you stand for. It may take some time to think about it, but a basic starting point is to think about what’s most important to you. Values include a wide array of things, from family to self-love, personal growth, and financial stability. It’s all personalized to you, These may include your family, self-love, personal growth, and finances… again, it’s all personalized to you! Just think about what’s important to you.

Reflect on your core beliefs, and what brings you the most joy and fulfillment in life. Also, consider the things that you would never compromise on. For example, if you would never compromise your family and your personal growth, these can be included in your list of values.

Step 4 – Keep this list for reference

Now, that you’ve compiled lists of your priorities, goals, and values, keep these lists in handy! Whenever someone asks you to do something, a request comes up, or anything that requires a yes or no answer, you can just look at your list of priorities, goals, and values, and see if it aligns with that.

If that request/task/event aligns with your values, goals, and priorities, it becomes a potential yes. On the other hand, if it doesn’t align with your goals, values, and priorities, saying no should be a straightforward decision. Additionally, if your schedule is already full-on, saying no should be automatic so you don’t burn out.

For example, say a colleague asks you to take on an extra project at work. One of your goals is “career advancement” and your big priority is “family”. If taking on that extra project will jeopardize your family time or career advancement, it should be a clear no.

Is this a 100% cure to not feeling guilty for saying no?

Well, no.

BUT it does make things a lot easier when it comes to deciding if you should say no to something or not.

I’m guilty of this too where I say yes to things without even thinking first if I even have the capacity to take it on. But by having a list of my goals, priorities, and values, I know that I really take on things that align with them.

However, there are exceptions. If you find that something doesn’t align with your goals, priorities, and values, and you have time to take it on, or it’s something that you truly want to do, then by all means, say yes!

The lists that you created are not meant to be a set of rules that you stick to. Instead, it’s to be used as a tool to navigate those moments when you’re given many requests and need guidance and if you should say no.

Take a SMALL Step

For this small step, follow the steps on this blog post! 😊

To Wrap Up

Mastering the art of saying no is a valuable skill that allows you to make choices that align with your priorities, values, and goals. By following these four simple steps in this blog post, it can make saying no a little easier and with more clarity.

Don’t worry if saying no still feels challenging. It’s still a challenge for me too! But at the end of the day, consider what you’ll put your time and energy into, and what your capacity is.

These four simple steps are just examples of small steps that you can take to your personal growth journey! I’ve actually got a free book, Small Steps to Progression which you can download for free! It is filled with tips and action steps to help you take small steps to different areas of your life.

In the meantime, don’t be afraid to say no every now and then (I say this to myself as well!).

-Lauren 😊

P.S I recommend you read these blog posts next:  

• 7 Productivity Mistakes That Lead to Burnout
• Boundaries, An Overlooked Form of Self-Care
• 10 Easy Ways to Have More Self-Love in Your Life

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