5 Big No-No’s for Self-Care!! (seriously don’t do this!)

Maybe we know how to do self-care, and maybe we don’t. Either way, there’s some unlearning that we may need to do.

This blog post is all about the biggest no-no’s when it comes to self-care. These are all the things that we obviously should not be doing, and if we are, it’s something that we are going to unlearn and do something else.

Here’s something that you’ll notice about all of these points…

There is some reference to self-care culture somehow. It may be directly referenced, or indirectly referenced. Either way, it’s mentioned.

Let me put it bluntly… self-care culture had formulated a lot of different views on how self-care is supposed to be like. But overtime, you probably have began to feel the lack of authenticity of the self-care culture that society built. This blog post is all going to be about unlearning all that, and unwrapping what self-care really is and how you can actually make self-care a big fat priority in your life.

Let’s get into it!!

1 – Copying everyone else’s self-care

I used to try to straight up copy every single morning routine, night routine, study routine…. you name it! This list also includes how to create your own self-care routine.

When it came to my self-care, I would watch countless videos on how to do self-care, I would go on Instagram and find influencers who were practicing self-care, and of course… I would copy them.

Here’s what didn’t work when doing that… it wasn’t what I really wanted to do. I didn’t really like having bubble baths because personally for me, it’s too much of a hassle for me.

I didn’t really like doing spa days. Well actually, I do but they are not within my budget.

I didn’t really like doing retail therapy either because honestly, I don’t have the budget for it.

The point here is that it’s practically pointless for me to copy another person’s self-care because it wasn’t well-suited for me. If it didn’t make me feel recharged and refreshed, the self-care activities didn’t work for me.

That’s why it is so important to pick and choose self-care activities that work for you! Let me talk about it more here:

What to do instead: Like what I just mentioned a second ago, instead of trying to copy what everyone else is doing for self-care, just do what suits you! Everyone is different when it comes to their self-care.

Some like to go above and beyond for their self-care and actually enjoy having spa days and bubble baths. Some like to go on runs and hikes and that’s their self-care! And then there are some that their self-care is just simply watching TV and chilling on their couch. But as long as it makes them feel refreshed and recharged from their regular life… their self-care suits them!

So choose something that works for you. Something that works for yourSELF.

2 – Saying you’re not a “self-care person”

While writing this point, I’m getting a gut feeling that the majority of people who are reading this blog have heard how self-care is important. Some may roll their eyes on how cliche it is, but some would definitely agree that is important and should be prioritised.

There may be some who aren’t really into the self-care culture out there. Maybe there are some who are just not the “self-care” kind of person. Some people are into the “self-care” thing, and some people aren’t . There may even be people who wish they could do more self-care but don’t have a lot of time or even see the use of priortising it.

But I get it. With the ever-growing self-care culture, it’s easy to see why some people are just not into the self-care thing. In my opinion, the self-care culture that you see on Instagram paints an unrealistic picture on how we should practice self-care. We see posts on how other people do self-care, and knowing that is what society expects our self-care to be like, we decide it’s not to our liking.

Let me help unwrap all the things that you have seen from self-care culture. Like I mentioned in the first point, it’s not all about the bubble baths, spa days, retail therapy, going on luxurious vacations, or putting on face masks… it’s not just that!

Self-care is simply what it says it is… taking care of yourself. It’s when you take the time to step away from what you do in your regular life whether you study, work, or have a business.

It’s when you decide to just relax and recharge away from anything that is related to study, work, or business. It’s something that is supposed to feel effortless and relaxed, and not make you feel stressed because it’s expensive or it takes up a lot of your mental energy.

As you can tell, everything that was put together from self-care culture does not include any of this, so it’s understandable to think that we’re not really self-care people. I guess the better way to describe this is that we’re not ‘self-care culture’ people.

What to do instead: Everything that you have ever learned from self-care culture unwrap it right now. That’s not what self-care is. Self-care is something that is very valuable for us, and it’s supposed to help us reset and recharge outside of our regular life.

You are a self-care person, not a “self-care culture” person. Remember that you can do self-care without doing all the things that self-care culture does. If something you do makes you feel refreshed and recharged, and it’s not even close to what self-care culture depicts, still do it! As long as it makes you feel better, as long as you feel refreshed, that self-care is for you!

3 – Saying that you don’t have time

Every time I mention any sort of point related to time in my blog posts, it’s because I assume that lack of time is what every person knows about and struggles with it a bit themselves.

I don’t know your situation. Maybe you’re a full-time student with a part time job, or even a full time job. Maybe you work full-time. Maybe you work full-time with two other jobs. Maybe you work full-time with a side hustle… regardless I can assume that you have to manage your time correctly and balance full schedules at time. It’s understandable why it’s hard to find time for self-care.

You may be asking many questions like… When do I do my self-care when my schedule is packed? Where will I fit self-care in with my current priorities? How can I add self-care into my schedule that already feels overwhelming?

Here’s something you’ve heard countless times before that I’m sure that you’re thinking it’s cliche. However, overtime I’ve learned more and more how true it is. You’re not going to find time for you’re self-care, you’re going to make time for your self-care. Your schedule isn’t going to do it for you, you’re going to do it. Because at the end of the day, you’re in control of your schedule no matter what you do.

When you think about it, everything you do in your day was your choice. Decided to study for two hours? Your choice! Decided to skip meals? Your choice! Spent two hours watching TV and scrolling through social media? Your choice!

I’ve learned overtime that the wrong question to ask when trying to manage your time is do I have enough time? The better question you should be asking to reflect is how am I using the time that I currently have? Let me say, I admire anybody is able to balance so many commitments into their schedule… like wow! Good on you.

Like the ones that have written the books I’ve read, they wrote that book on top of over the top commitments that brought them around the country. The ones who’ve podcasts I’ve listened to, they built their business on top of their full-time job. Even people that I personally know, they balance two full-time jobs or even study with a few jobs … like, how do they do that?

Those are the people that I think about whenever I found myself making excuses for why I don’t have time to do the things that I wanted to do. Even with this blog, I could’ve made the excuse that I was studying, working, and balancing church, when the truth is all I had to do was replace my usual TV time with writing for my blog. With self-care, I could’ve made those same excuses, when the truth is all I had to do was replace the time I usually go on social media for self-care.

What to do instead: If you read my blog post on how to create a self-care routine, which I think would definitely help you stay motivated with your self-care, you know that one of the most important things to do is set a non-negotiable time for it, and treat it like an important meeting and appointment that you’ll never cancel last minute. If you’ll never cancel last minute on other people, then don’t cancel last minute on yourself!

4 – Thinking you need to earn your self-care

This is an interesting myth of self-care that not a lot of people talk about, but a lot of people do face… thinking that they need to earn their self-care.

I’ve been guilty of this myself, where I told myself that I’ll only earn my self-care if I finished 8+ more hours of work, even though that’s already going to make me more tired than I am now. I told myself that I’ll only get to relax once I finished all those hours of studying, even though it was clear that I needed that break.

This was because self-care was viewed as a reward for doing something you’re supposed to do. You finished a long work day, you earned your self-care. You finished long hours of study? You earned your self-care. Oh, so you didn’t finish that project even though it’s going to take an extra 6 hours to do the next day? You didn’t earn your self-care.

Just like everything we have heard from self-care culture, we’re going to unwrap this one too. We’re going to unwrap that whole idea of thinking that we need to earn our self-care, when the truth is, self-care is supposed to be non-negotiable.

Just like we had mentioned in the previous point on not having enough time, we need to set non-negotiable time for self-care and treat it like an important appointment. We never want to cancel on ourselves last minute, like how we never want to cancel on our boss or leader in the last minute.

You don’t want to put that idea in your mind that in order to get rest and have a break is that you need to earn it. If you don’t do whatever it is you need to do, you don’t get to have self-care. Instead of thinking that you need to earn your self-care, start thinking that you’ll only continue working after you’ve reset and recharged your brain.

If you did a few hours of studying, and you didn’t complete what you needed to complete, and your brain is practically fried at that point, then you can have a break and reset… it’s better than pushing yourself to work.

What to do instead: You’ve got to remember that your self-care is non-negotiable, it’s something that you needed all along. Truly one of the best feelings ever is feel reset, recharged, and even more motivated to continue doing what I was regularly doing (whether that was study, work, and blogging).

It felt better than forcing myself to work when my brain clearly wasn’t working for me. Don’t find yourself going through life thinking that you need to earn something that is supposed to be non-negotiable. It’s the same with depriving yourself of sleep until you finished that full study session at 3am in the morning.

5 – Thinking that self-care is not productive

I’ve mentioned in my blog post on the mistakes that people make when trying to be productive, where productivity is more associated with the work tasks that you do. Whether they are office, tasks, business tasks, study tasks… anything that involves work.

Maybe you know of someone who made their schedule filled up with a whole bunch of work tasks, but eating, exercise – self-care isn’t even found in that schedule.

You’re not just productive by those work tasks, you’re also productive when you do things that contribute to your health, physical or mental health!

Because what would happen if you didn’t get enough sleep or you didn’t make the time for your health? Your health would not be the best, and it ends up costing your productivity anyway. That’s why, it technically is productive to include those things in your schedule.

When it comes to self-care, it’s non-negotiable as well, just like your meals, your sleep, anything related to your health. Your self-care does contribute to your mental health, how you feel, and how you reset before another work session. It contributes to your productivity.

Because not being in the best headspace, not feeling your best, and feeling burned out because you didn’t take a break costs your productivity, self-care does count as being productive!

What to do instead: Switch your mindset from believing that self-care is not productive, to thinking that self-care is productive… it makes you productive! Even start remembering that being productive is not just about the work tasks that you do. Being productive in your schedule is not just the work-related tasks… it includes everything that contributes to better physical & mental health!

So Forget About Self-Care Culture!

You probably noticed a bit of a connection between all the above points mentioned… we can kind of partly blame self-care culture for believing all of those things.

But regardless, let’s forget about self-care culture and start doing the self-care in the way that works for us.

Start by finding activities that you enjoy, that makes you feel relaxed and recharged. Make that self-care time non-negotiable so you know that you can’t skip it (it’s an appointment with yourself!). Most importantly, remember that this does make you productive, as it’s giving you the necessary reset and recharge before you continue with your work.

Remember to stay kind to yourself no matter what, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself to master the self-care thing. Allow it to be effortless and enjoyable!

-Lauren 😊

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Click here for all the blog posts on self-care!!

7 Ways to Stay Motivated with Your Self-Care (a MUST read!!)

How to Create Your Own Self-Care Routine

Greatest Self-Care Actions for Every Area of Your Life

How to Practice the Five Love Languages on Yourself – for self-love

How to Take Care of Yourself with a Busy Schedule

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