Since this is one of the most important relationships you need.
Ever since the first lockdowns hit the world amid the pandemic, it sort of forced us to spend a lot of time with ourselves. I know that for me, during those two major lockdowns we had in Sydney (the one from March 2020, and the one from June 2021), I had no choice but to spend time with myself.
Thinking about that made me think of the importance of building a better relationship with myself. I realised that at the end of the day, I’ve got me and the only person I have is me.
However, we never needed a lockdown and a global pandemic for us to realise that it’s important to build a relationship with ourselves. In fact, it has always been important. Yes, it’s important to have a social life, have a good circle of friends, and supportive people around us. However, the most important relationship that we ultimately need to build is the one with ourselves.
That’s why, this blog post is going to outline 20 Tips to Have a Better Relationship with Yourself. Well… this blog post will only have 10 of the 20 tips. Why? Because the other 10 is on Skye’s blog, Thriving and Inspiring!
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Okay, let me take the time to introduce you to someone amazing and who is collaborating with me on this very topic! Thriving and Inspiring is an amazing blog by Skye, and she writes topics from wellness and growth, personal development, lifestyle, self-care, and so much more!
You can check out her blog here, and follow her on social media! I promise you, you will not be disappointed! I have learned so much from her, and I know that you will too! I know that I have walked away feeling so motivated and encouraged every time I have read her blogs!
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That’s why I am so excited to be doing this collaboration with her as we share with you 20 Tips for you to have a better relationship with yourself! In this blog post, you’ll see 10 tips that we had each alternated. Then, if you haven’t yet seen the other 10 tips, you can read the rest of the tips on Skye’s blog!
By reading the 10 tips from this blog post, and the other 10 from Skye’s blog post, you’ll read of 20 different ways that you can build a better relationship with yourself. This blog post is definitely for any person reading this. It doesn’t matter what your “level” is when it comes to the relationship with yourself, we can all benefit from striving to improve that relationship.
Now… enough of all that, and let’s get to the tips!
(after each tip, you’ll see the name of the one who had wrote the tip! [and who’s speaking!] )
1 – Talk Kindly to Yourself
Skye
I’m talking about self-talk here. Self-talk is simply the ongoing string of thoughts in your head. It’s what you subconsciously say to yourself all day long. (Here’s my guide to using self-talk to gain confidence.)
Here’s an example: You’re making a special dinner for you and a loved one and you just really messed up the recipe, and may have ruined the dish altogether.
Negative self-talk sounds like this in your head: “Uhh I’m so stupid! Why couldn’t I have just read the directions more closely! I’m an idiot for screwing this up!
Positive self-talk sounds like this: “Man, that’s really unfortunate I got the directions wrong, but even if I ruined the dinner, that doesn’t make me a bad cook. It’s going to be okay. I’ll figure something else out.”
I’d put money on it that you would never say the words “You’re an idiot for messing up.” to a friend, so whyyyy would you say them to yourself?!
See how much more kind and supportive the positive self-talk can be? It will take intention to naturally always talk to yourself in this positive manner, but that effort is worth the investment! It will foster the kindest relationship with yourself you could ever imagine.
2 – Make time for your health and personal growth
Lauren
This is extremely important. First, health is wealth. You’re the one that lives in your body, so it’s your responsibility to take care of it.
A big mistake anyone could make is not prioritize sleep, exercise, doctor appointments, or meal time in their schedule because it will “get in the way” of your other important things.
Think about how having declined health ends up affecting your other life responsibilities such as your career or studies. That’s why you need to make time for it!
On the other hand, making time for your personal growth is important as well! Personal growth is what builds you up and the person you are becoming. You would prioritise anything that would benefit you, such as your work or studies. Personal growth will benefit you as well! So prioritise that too!
3 – Allow Yourself to Be Curious to Figure Out Things You Love
Skye
Do you make an effort to spend time doing something you love? If not, this is such a sweet way to create a solid relationship with yourself. Doing an activity or hobby that brings you joy is lifegiving!
Here, I want to bring attention to the curiosity part of this. I’m sure you have a few things you know you love doing, and I encourage you to make time for them! It feels so good to take care of yourself in that way, to treat yourself to quality time that brings you joy.
But I also want you to be open and curious about finding even more things you love doing. The curiosity of it, the willingness to try new things, the seeking out will help you develop an exploratory relationship with the self. It’s really interesting to allow yourself the ability to try and not like things, and to try and like other things! Exploring will open up a side to you that you may remember from childhood. It’s exciting and invigorating, and will undoubtedly lead to a relationship with yourself that’s not surface level, but deeper, more layered!
4 – Make time for FUN
Lauren
Hear me out on this one!
Having fun experiences also helps you build a better relationship with yourself. By spending time doing fun experiences, you obviously enjoy yourself. When you enjoy yourself, you build a better relationship with yourself.
Because if we’re being honest, it’s hard to enjoy yourself when all you do is your usual work or study routine. You actually enjoy yourself more and even discover yourself when you’re in a completely different zone doing something different! Or, just like what Skye had mentioned earlier, do more of the things that you love! When you’re doing things that you love, that’s another way to build a better relationship with yourself!
5 – Know What to do When You’re Down
Skye
Understanding how you need to be treated (by yourself) when you’re down creates an authentic and supportive relationship within yourself.
I’m sure you know from friendships, there’s a significant difference between a superficial friendship and a true, deep friendship. The same goes for your relationship with yourself.
You want to know what you need when you’re upset, frustrated, stressed, anxious, tense, grieving, confused, and uncomfortable. And you’ll likely need different things for all of those emotions.
Feel free to jot ideas down in a journal, or create a little mental note of what’s worked in the past for you, or what you want to try in the future.
For example, I know that when I’m grieving, I need to sit in those feelings temporarily. I don’t need to distract myself. What feels good to me is letting myself cry and hurt for a bit before I go to others to talk or engage in activities to take my mind off things.
It’s healthy and wise to be in touch with what you need for those heavier emotions. It will pull you into a more intimate and connected relationship with yourself.
(Read here for a crazy story about my heavy emotions when something big went sideways in my life and what I learned about myself that deepened my relationship with myself.)
6 – Saying No
Lauren
This is something you’ve probably heard of a billion times.
Remember this really good saying from somewhere:
When you say yes to something, you say no to another.
I’ll admit, it’s hard to say no most of the time! Especially when it involves someone needing your help or could even benefit us in some way! Whenever something comes along the way, before you say yes, really have a think about if you can actually take this on. If saying no means that you have more time to do your priorities and goals, then say no.
A good way to help you say no easier is to simply list down your current goals, values, and priorities. Then, if something pops up, just refer to that list and see if it aligns with values, goals, and priorities. If it doesn’t, then you know that you should say no.
7 – Challenge Negative Thoughts Right Away
Skye
This is something I challenged myself to do a while back, and it’s made quite a difference in my mental space.
As soon as you have a negative thought, or one that doesn’t serve you well, a thought that might be damaging or maladaptive, I want you to question it. Challenge it!
Ask yourself if it’s really true. Ask yourself if that thought has any substance to it, or if it was just something random that won’t serve you.
Most of the time, it’s just a product of overthinking or worry. And usually, if you simply ask yourself if it’s true or not, you can let go of it.
This simple challenge will let you create a psychologically healthy headspace where you can grow your relationship with yourself.
8 – Be Kind to Yourself Always
Isn’t one of the ways to build a great relationship with someone is through kindness? It’s the same when building a better relationship with yourself!
Most importantly, if there is one person that you should give all the kindness you have, it’s yourself!
Yes, you should be kind to everyone around you, but the most important person to be kind to is yourself.
So be kind to yourself. Praise yourself for your progress, and don’t worry about perfection. Tell yourself each day that you’re doing really well no matter what!
Everyone talks about doing random acts of kindness to brighten up someone else’s day. Why not do the same and brighten up yours?
Everyone talks about being kind no matter what, because you never know what someone is going through. So… why not be kind to yourself no matter what because you know that you’ve gone through a lot to get to where you are now.
9 – Spend Time Alone to Enjoy Your Own Company
Skye
When’s the last time you spend time alone? Alone time can be eye opening, energizing, and relaxing all at the same time.
When you spend time alone, you allow yourself to sit with your thoughts, desires, and needs. You can become so much more in tune with who you are and what brings you joy.
I love to shop alone! Spending time in TJMaxx by myself, just walking around, even if I don’t buy a single thing, makes me feel at peace and calm. I can say I legitimately enjoy my own company. I hope you can say the same! But if you’re still working on that, it will come as you start implementing these tips.
Alone time is magical in terms of fostering a unique and valuable relationship with yourself.
10 – Do Things You Love
Lauren
Skye had said something earlier in Tip #3 about allowing yourself to be curious about the things you love. She was spot on with everything she had said!
It does sound cliche, and the most typical advice out there. But if you’re not doing things you love, are you spending your days happy?
Think about things you love. Whether that’d be people, things, or experiences… make the time to do more of them!
By doing more of the things that you enjoy most, you build a better relationship with yourself that way. When you do things that bring you joy, you obviously feel happier.
Take a SMALL STEP
First things first, you may notice that this blog post only has 10 tips. That’s because the other 10 tips is on Skye’s blog post! Read Skye’s blog post here to read the rest of the tips!
Once you have read all of the 20 tips to help you build a better relationship with yourself, it’s time to take the small steps!
Here are all the small steps you can do to apply the 10 tips that were on this blog post!
(These are how I apply my own tips. For Skye’s tips, I’m sharing how I’ll personally apply them!)
- Talk Kindly to Yourself – one of the first small steps you can do is just write out 5 things you love about yourself!
- Make time for your health and personal growth – when you create your schedule or plan for the day, make sure that you can find anything related to health and personal growth in your schedule.
- Allow Yourself to Be Curious to Figure Out Things You Love – list down 3 things that you know you love doing, and make the time for them!
- Make Time for Fun – List down 3 things that you genuinely enjoy and find fun. Then, make the time to do it!
- Know What to Do When You’re Down – List down 5 things that had helped you whenever you felt down. Then, the next time you’re feeling down, you can refer to that list!
- Saying No – List down your current values, goals, and priorities. This will be your go-to list for whenever something pops up. If you see that the opportunity doesn’t align with your values, goals, and priorities, then say no to it.
- Challenge Negative Thoughts Right Away – List down 5 negative thoughts that you currently have, and then challenge them. Challenge them and see if those thoughts are actually valid.
- Be Kind to Yourself Always – Starting today, treat yourself like your treating any other person around you. Express kindness to yourself!
- Spend Time Alone to Enjoy Your Own Company – List 3 things you can do by yourself, and do them alone. As Skye had said earlier, alone time is magical!
- Do Things That You Love – Remember that list from #3? Make the time to do those things!
These are just small steps to start implementing all of these tips today. Then, once you implemented those small steps, it’s time to start focusing on each one.
It’s understandable that there are a lot of different ways to build a better relationship with yourself, that you don’t know where to start. That’s 100% okay, I would find it overwhelming as well.
That’s why, just pick one tip that you will focus on applying for this week. Then, the next week, pick the next tip…. and so on!
The Person You Need the Most is YOU
Think about it, the person (an actual human being) that you need the most in life is YOU.
Yes, we need family and friends around, but at the end of the day, the person you really need the most is yourself. The most important relationship that you need to build is the one with yourself.
You need yourself to talk kindly to yourself.
You need yourself to do the things that you love.
You need yourself to feel motivated to make time for your health and personal growth.
You need yourself to challenge all those negative thoughts.
You need you, and you’re the only one that can truly help yourself. While anyone could motivate you and help you, you’re still the one taking the action at the end of the day.
So take the small steps now and build a better relationship with yourself. Let that relationship be one of your most thriving relationships… because nothing feels better than knowing that you can rely on yourself no matter what.
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Big thank you to Skye of Thriving and Inspiring for doing this blog post collaboration with me!
Now, give yourself a favour, and read Skye’s blog here!
And here are my personal favourite blog posts from Skye’s blog, Thriving and Inspiring:
7 Ways to Manage Expectations and Disappointment
How to Actually Feel Fulfilled in Life
13 Stress Relieving Stress Every College Student Needs to Know (a must read for all college students!!)
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Related Articles:
How to Put Yourself First and Be the Main Character of Your Life!
7 Fun Steps that Actually Levels Up Your Life
8 Practical Ways to Get Your Life Together
Self-Love Habits for Ultimate Self-Discovery
Easy Self-Care Tips for More Self-Love!
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hi, this is Lauren! I’m a law grad from Melbourne, Australia. On laurenbarri.com, I create content on all things personal development, productivity, self-care, and habits! I am super passionate about these topics because of how they helped me in all areas of my life, and I want to share it with others!
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